Starbucks

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the movie Groundhog Day – that film where Bill Murray’s character, Phil Connors, is forced to live the same day over and over again. Though I know that it’s a movie, it’s pretty much the story of my life right now. Monday through Friday, I get up at the same time, I do the same things, and I watch helplessly as the days blend together. It’s getting so bad that the guy at Einstein Bros. starts putting my bagel and shmear together as soon as he sees my car in the parking lot (not an everyday occurrence, but I do order the same thing every time I’m there). Phil’s problem was, clearly, more drastic than this, but he took advantage of the monotony to right wrongs, save lives, and make changes within himself. The town and day may remain the same, but Phil himself changes in ways that no one could ever imagine.

Realizing that I’ve found myself in the same rut, I’ve decided to make a conscious effort to do things just a little bit differently each day. Whether it’s going to a different gym in the network (incidentally, the Bare Hills Merritt is a Mecca for anyone wanting to learn about all things “Brangelina.”), taking a back-road home, or getting my news from MSNBC.com instead of CNN, these little changes are designed to break me out of the rut that I’m in and get me thinking again.

This morning, it was the coffee.

As you may know, ordering Starbucks coffee is something of an art form. Tom Hanks’ character in You’ve Got Mail said:
The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino.

Now I can make six decisions at once, and I’m comfortable with them. For me, it was always “Grande Skim, Sugar-free Hazelnut (sometimes Vanilla, but always sugar-free) Latte.” It’s comfortable, it rolls off the tongue, and it’s made life pretty easy. Because of the whole vanilla/hazelnut thing, I don’t have the luxury of walking into Starbucks and having my coffee ready for me as soon as I hit the door, but it’s pretty darn close. This morning, however, I decided to break the habit. This morning, I decided to order a different type of syrup in my grade skim latte. I was confident, I was ready. Sadly though, I was COMPLETELY CLUELESS ABOUT THE WHOLE ORDERING PROCESS. I had become so comfortable with the process that trying to shake it up, even a little, threw the entire thing off. When the cashier asked me what I wanted, I stared blankly at him. I didn’t know what size I wanted or the type of milk – and these decisions weren’t changing, only the syrup was. The ironic thing is that I’m convinced that if I had been fully awake and caffeinated (remember, folks, this was 5:45 AM), this wouldn’t have been an issue. However, considering that the only thing standing between caffination and me was my inability to order, I assure you that it was plenty frustrating. I could have returned to my “usual” order, and the barista (who, incidentally, was already holding a Grande cup and standing with her hand poised between Sugar-Free Hazelnut and Sugar-Free Vanilla) was clearly expecting me to do just that. Just in time, I recovered and stuck to my resolution.

And now, I sit here sipping my Grande Skim Almond Latte. It’s not the best cup of coffee in the world (My second choice was Raspberry, so I’ll try that next time), and it was a little harder to order than I would have liked. However, it’s made just the slightest, indescribable, difference in my day. As cheesy as it sounds, I’m proud of this little victory. This morning, at 5:45 AM, I broke out of autopilot and took the road less traveled by (for me anyway). And that has made all the difference.

Effective steps in dealing with IT...suggestions from one of the poor slaves in the biz

IT folks are traditionally the most under-appreciated people in an organization. Everyone seems to want to complain about the systems that we put out when more often than not, it's a lack of understanding of the system or an unwillingness to respond to requests for input that made the system that way. Due to budget and timing constraints, we can't spend our days chasing down users who we've asked to provide input on the new system but have refused to provide it. However, it HURTS when those same users turn around and tell everyone how much the system sucks. Moreover, 90% of the "problems" that are created are the direct result of someone not listening or reading the training materials provided. All last summer, I was catering to ONE SCHOOL who wouldn't be able to find their way out of a paper bag if you drew an arrow. I kid you not, I got at least 3 phone calls a day for a month with the same exact question. They clearly weren't listening. I'd call back or drive out there to help on my way home (after working for 8 hours!!), walk them through it, and instead of going "Ok, you walked me through the first two. I think I got it," they would make me stand there while they went through 25 kids the exact same way (and this takes a least an hour) with the same questions being asked at the same points and clearly no learning going on. Then, at the end of the session, they would go, "So when are you ever going to publish a manual?" When I told her that I would do it as soon as I stopped getting 25 calls a week, she accused me of being "unhelpful" and "mean." Un-freakin-believable.
If you want your IT department to respond positively, seriously, follow these steps...
1) Look online for help materials and read what's out there before calling. If you don't understand it, at least acknowledge that you've read it and ask specific questions. If we get enough questions, we can change the help materials, but we'd like to know that we've put out there has been looked at.
2) When you call, have a smile in your voice or sound desperate. We know you're frustrated, but we'd rather help a user who sounds nice than be yelled at.
3) Say please and thank you!!!! We're people, not your personal slaves. You'd be amazed how much this doesn't happen.
4) Don't tell us that our system sucks...ask politely for changes. You'd hate your boss to tell you that your work sucks...why wouldn't we feel any differently?
5) If you're a girl and you get an IT guy on the phone, flirt a little. Just trust me on that one.
6) If you must leave a message, please leave a message that gives a little information about what you're calling about. "Call me back" (note the lack of a please too!) doesn't get you nearly as far as "I did X and the system blew up. Can you please call ASAP??" does. More importantly, please give us a little time to call back. One user I have loves to call and then send an email to my boss if I don't call back within 5 minutes. Yes, I'm serious.
7) We need specifics. As soon as something happens, write down WHAT YOU WERE DOING WHEN IT HAPPENED. If you pressed a button, we need to know that. If you did something you shouldn't have been doing, DON'T TRY TO HIDE IT!! We can probably get you out of the mess, but you need to tell us what you did to get yourself in the situation. This is a time to be completely honest. Also, if you're in a database, let us know what record you were working with...sometimes someone has done something to that specific record and it's the only one that's acting weird.
8) Know what you're asking for. I answered a specific question for one user and then she called my boss's boss to complain that I didn't answer her question correctly. When I was getting in trouble with my boss, it turned out the question had changed. If you get the question answered and it's not what you wanted, it's not the fault of the IT person who didn't answer the question you didn't ask.
9) Learn the hours of your favorite IT person and respect those hours. I work from 6-2, so it's really frustrating to get a call at 1:59 with a question that could wait until the next day. If it's an emergency, by all means, please call. I'll stay as long as you need me to to help. However, if you just want to know how to do something that you don't have to do until next week or request changes to the system (or are calling to tell me that my system sucks!), please save it for another day. Leaving for the day after hearing that your work is terrible is downright depressing.
10) When you call with a question about the system, and it's possible to get in, please be in the system before calling. It saves time on the call if you're ready.
Following all of these simple steps will help you get a better response from your helpful and nice IT department.

Fun with Government Officials

After yet another morning spent at the light on Coldspring Lane and the JFX, I wrote a complaint letter to Mayor O'Malley about this whole light problem. Not one to write a normal letter, here's what I came up with...

How the Light Stole the Commute
With apologies to Dr. Seuss!

Every driver
Off Cold Spring
Liked driving a lot...
But the Light,
That lived just North of Cold Spring
Did NOT!

The Light hated driving!
The whole driving season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his bulb wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his bulb was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his timer was two sizes too small.

But,
Whatever the reason,
His bulb or his timer,
He stood there on Cold Spring, hating the drivers.
Staring down from his perch with a sour expression
At the warm, seated drivers stopped in their progression.
For he knew every driver down on that JFX
Was exceedingly late and getting more and more vexed.
And the more that the Light thought of them getting to work
The more the Light thought, "I must act like a jerk!

"Why for forty-five years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop the drivers from moving!...
But HOW?"
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE LIGHT
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" laughed that electronic fiend.
"I won’t ever, no never, NO NEVER turn green.”
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!”
My bulb will not change, my timer won’t click!
“Those kids down at Poly, they think they’re so cool,
“I’ll stop them from ever getting to school!
“They’ll sit on the highway, not reading, not learning,
“And better and better, their gas will keep burning…”

"Pooh-pooh to the drivers!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no light change is coming!
"They're just pulling up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"Then the drivers on Cold Spring will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Light,"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Light put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising out from a Jeep.
It started in low. And it wasn’t a beep...
Or a honk…why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Cold Spring!
The Light popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every driver on Cold Spring, the tall and the small,
Was driving! Without any light change at all!
He HADN'T stopped traffic from moving!
IT MOVED!
In a manner of which a cop wouldn’t approve.
Cars at the light, that should have stayed still,
Moved, two by two, into traffic, at their drivers’ free will.

And the Light, with his light-top-up-high-on-the-bar,
Hung puzzling and puzzling: "How could go those cars?
They moved without warning! Those Fords and those Rangers!
Right out onto Cold Spring, ignoring the dangers!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Light thought of something he hadn't before!
"Those drivers on Cold Spring," he thought, "they simply don’t care
"They won’t let me stop them from getting somewhere!"
The drivers don’t really care if they’re hit,
All they’re thinking is “I don’t have time for this [edit].”

But the drivers in cars still remembered the dangers,
To their Volvos and Jettas, their Fords and their Rangers.
They thought, “I cannot sit by and stay mute
And let a bad light mess up my commute.”
And the drivers in cars, those Volvos and Jettas
Thought, “I know just the way to make it all better.
I’ll call up O’Malley and he’ll start to work
On timers too small and lights that are jerks!

And what happened then...?
Well...in Bawlmer they say
That Martin O’Malley, he saved the day!
The Mayor got that old light working right,
And traffic, it flowed, through the day and the night
And the drivers, they left that old JFX,
With less hassles and less of a chance of a wreck.

And those drivers, well they did much to remember
The work that O’Malley had done in November.
They drove to the polls, and there they concurred
That O’Malley should be our next governor!

A take your kid to work day poem

It’s 8 AM and all is well,
But this day soon is shot to hell.
Invaders from the kinder care
With plans your workday to impair!

You’re sitting quietly at your desk
But turn around to find a mess
Your plant uprooted and markers strewn
Around your peaceful office room.

The parents are at their last wits end
And pass them to you, their single friend.
They shout: “Entertain Joe or Bob or Billy!
You need the practice too, you silly.”

You grit your teeth and try to work
You resolve to call the pharmacy clerk.
No way in Hades will this happen to you
And you tell these wayward brats to “Shoo!”

Now kids are great, please let me say.
There’s just too many on this one day.
Small and mighty, they pack a punch.
Thank God, they’ll only stay through lunch.

The Americans' Creed

"I believe in the United States of America as a government of the people, by the people, for the people; whose just powers are derived from the consent of the governed, a democracy in a republic, a sovereign Nation of many sovereign States; a perfect union, one and inseparable; established upon those principles of freedom, equality, justice, and humanity for which American patriots sacrificed their lives and fortunes.

"I therefore believe it is my duty to my country to love it, to support its Constitution, to obey its laws, to respect its flag, and to defend it against all enemies."

-- Written 1917 by William Tyler Page, accepted by the United States House of Representatives on April 3, 1918.

I first saw these words yesterday while I was wandering around the Maryland State House, and for the past 24 hours, I've been wondering why Americans have never learned to recite these words as faithfully as they recite the Pledge of Allegiance. These words are, in my opinion, far less controversial than the pledge, and to my knowledge, they are the same words that Page inteded. The Pledge has been changed twice - with objections from Francis Bellamy and again by Bellamy's daughter - and now it's facing a third challenge. The original pledge failed in that it wasn't specific enough. In it's first incarnation, the pledge only said "my flag and the republic for which it stands." That was fine with Bellamy as he intended it to be a multi-use pledge for any citizen of any nation. When the US government decided that they needed to change it to "the flag of the United States of America," Bellamy objected. When, in 1952, President Eisenhower changed the pledge to include the words "under God," it was Bellamy's daughter's turn to object.

My problems with the pledge is that it aligns itself to a symbol of the country, not the ideals and principals that make the United States the great land it is today. A symbol is great, don't get me wrong, but you actually need that symbol in the room in order to pledge allegiance to it. The creed is different. It reminds us of why our forefathers and mothers risked life and limb to get here, it doesn't require a flag in the room, and it tells us what we should do to show our allegiance. It may be longer than the Pledge, but at least the content is clear.